


Not Before My Coffee

by Dusty_Forgotten



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 17:05:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1192974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dusty_Forgotten/pseuds/Dusty_Forgotten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux starts every morning with a cup of coffee. He doesn't drink it. He just spills it on people he doesn't like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Before My Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a headcanon by Tumblr user shaleimp.

Sollux started every morning with a cup of coffee.

Karkat noticed this about their second week on the meteor. After he'd stay up all night with insomnia, he'd find Sollux up at something unholy early, brewing a cup of coffee. Every other day he drowned it in sugar and some of the milk Equius hid in the back of the refrigerator. The other times he took it black. The curious thing was that he'd take one sip, wince at the taste, and let it go cold on his desk while he typed away hell-knows what.

At around eight a.m. everyday when the others started waking up, he'd reheat it to boiling and stand at the end of the respiteblock hallway. Every morning, without fail, the coffee would somehow spill on Eridan. They bumped into each other a few times, tripped twice a piece, and once as the sea-dweller stomped down the hallway yelling "if you spill that fuckin' coffee on me-" at which point Sollux splashed it in his face. (This instance led to a rather caliginous-looking fight that mainly consisted of the highblood being thrown around by psionics and ended with him gagged and hogtied by his own coffee-soaked scarf.)

Next, the yellow-blood would deal with any early tech complaints, and once that was done, check out Vriska's computer (hers was the most finicky). Now, Karkat was admittedly pretty shit at coding, but he was sure that command Sollux was inputting was the opposite of helpful.

Just like he guessed, when Vriska got to her computer, she'd immediately get an error screen and have to call the Gemini over. This ended with the coffee dribbling down some part of her clothing.

Every.

Damn.

_Morning_.

\- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] -  
CG: I'M ONTO YOU.  
TA: kk, ii dont know what the fuck youre talkiin about and iim bu2y if you couldnt tell  
CG: I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU SINCE YOU WOKE UP. YOU'RE CODING SNAKE.  
TA: …  
TA: you got me on that  
CG: I'M TALKING ABOUT THE COFFEE. YOU DO IT EVERY MORNING. HOW ARE YOU STILL GETTING AWAY WITH IT?  
TA: what about the coffee?  
CG: YOU MAKE COFFEE EVERY MORNING JUST TO SPILL IT ON PEOPLE YOU DON'T LIKE. YOU DON'T EVEN DRINK IT.  
TA: and?  
CG: AND? IT'S KIND OF A DOUCHE MOVE, DON'T YOU THINK?  
TA: 2o? you hate them a2 much a2 ii do  
CG: …  
\- carcinoGeneticist [CG] gave up trolling twinArmageddons [TA] -

Karkat takes his coffee decaf.


End file.
